It was slow and boring last night working at the liquor store. I thought about trying to force the few customers we had to fight the card board standee of the almost naked pirate woman before they could leave the shop.

The plan was to send her home with the first man (or even woman I guess) who could match the pirate lass in a fair fight.

I was all prepared for a night full of excellent cutlass duels.

But then…

“So,” I smiled and turned my gaze over my shoulder toward the busty, yet two dimensional, pirate lady. “She’s pretty don’t you think?”

The customer I was ringing up glanced in the direction I was looking. “Huh? What? Oh yeah, sure.”

“Yeah, she’s magnificent.” I replied bagging up his bottle. “Her name, by the way, is Slamma Alabama the Princess Potentate of the Eight Seas.”

“Wha?” he answered. “Don’t you mean the seven seas?”

“Ahhh. But,” I corrected him. “You’re forgetting about the Sea of Love.”

He nodded. “Yes, of course.”

“So you want to go home with her?” I asked raising my bushy unibrow slightly.

“Not really,” he replied. The man gathered up his Southern Comfort and made for the door.

I was puzzled by the man’s decision. What was he? A miserable coward?

Or perhaps… he was a true gentleman.

I withdrew to the back room and sat down on an empty plastic crate. I covered my face with my hands and sighed.

I thought:

“Who did I think I was? Some kind of King? The King of the Liquor Store?”

Shame on me.

Damn that Mirror Guy! Damn him!

Earlier today we got into another fist fight, but somehow Mirror Guy already knew all the great moves I learned in karate class last week. He countered every blow.

Damn…

So yeah… Stalemate. Again.

Sigh. Sorry, it’s just that we’ve been at it a lot lately. But, I guess this happens when you spend a lot of time around someone. You get on each other’s nerves and sometimes tempers flare. I know I get tried of running into him in the bathroom and arguing over who gets to brush his teeth first.

But, okay.

I’m told that it’s not healthy to live in a state of acrimony with someone. So I’ve been reading this book called “Lifemates: How to live with your spouse, roommate or sibling and survive.” It’s been kind of helpful. One of the main points of the book is keeping communication going, even during the rough times.

So I decided to write him a nice little note. I wanted to apologize for all my petty transgressions and forgive him for his, while promising to make a new effort. You know, burry the hatchet. Let him know how I feel. All that. Anyway, here’s what I wrote:

Dear Mirror Guy,
I know I’m not the easiest person to live with. I’m sorry. Things have been rough for me lately. Maybe things haven’t been so great for you either. It’s been a rough year for both of us. I just want you to know that there is someone out there who cares.

I love you man,
Signed me.

It took me some time to write it out. Not just because as a man it’s hard for me to express my feelings, but more because I haven’t done much backwards writing since I was in the fourth grade tossing notes up to my pals in the tree house.

When I got home I went looking for Mirror Guy. My reconciliatory mood almost vanished when I found him hanging out by my bedroom closet. I can almost always find him hanging out in my room and sometimes he just doesn’t seem to take the hint when I want some alone time, you know?

But… I wasn’t going to get in to all that yet again. Today was about making some peace, damn it.

So I reached into my pocket and pulled out my note. And wouldn’t you know it? Mirror Guy had written one too.

Heh.

How about that? Well, huh, maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all eh? So we both grinned sheepishly and unfolded our notes. I held up mine for him to read and he did the same for me.

Dear You,
I’ve been peeing in your orange juice every morning for the last week. I can’t believe how stupid you are.

I hope you get cancer,
-Mirror Guy

God damn that Mirror Guy…